Untitled VDay Challenge fic
by Do the Ruh Dew
Summary: Done for a DarkMark.com Challenge. It's awful, I wrote it all on the due date, but it's kind of funny anyway. Lots of fluff. And a snogging contest XD. (Het AND slash, woo)


'I AM NOT A POUF!'

James Potter's incessant yelling from the dormitory floated down the stairs and reached the ears of three young boys sitting on a couch shaking with suppressed laughter. 

'D'you reckon he's trying to win her heart?' giggled Sirius. 'Doesn't seem to be working very well.'

'Well, why'd Lil follow him upstairs in the first place, if her heart wasn't already won? That's not exactly the most romantic place ever, even around Hogwarts.' Remus remarked.

Peter gazed up the stairs. 'Too bad he isn't, too.'

The other two rounded on him. 'WHAT DID YOU SAY.' Sirius was turning purple, and neither Remus nor Peter were sure whether it was with anger or with mirth. Maybe both.

'I said – nevermind, here he comes,' squeaked Peter, relieved to have been saved.

James, bounding down the dormitory stairs, looked a fright. His face was beet red and his hair stuck up in all directions. Hot on his heels was a tall and gorgeous Lily Evans, her long brown hair flowing behind her and a mischievous grin on her face. 

'So, er – what was that all about?' inquired Sirius. 

'Oh, James has had his eye on this Ravenclaw bloke for the last little while,' Lily winked, 'and –'

'I HAVE NOT!'

'– and I thought I'd straighten him out a bit,' Lily finished. 'He's in denial at the moment.'

James gave up and plopped onto the nearest chintz armchair, sulking visibly.

'Goodness,' grinned Remus, 'isn't he though. Is that all you were accusing him of?'

'Actually, yes,' Lily replied. 'Somehow, he seems to take this quite personally. Can't imagine why that is really. We have been going out for a year already, I'm sure it isn't going to damage his image _that_ much.'

The boy in question opened his mouth as if to say something, looked as though he had thought better of it, and closed it again.

Suddenly the group was interrupted by a loud crash from the direction of the portrait hole. They all turned in time to see a young fourth-year fall head-over-heels into the common room, breathing hard.

'Quidditch game's on!' he yelled. 'Ravenclaw twenty and professors zero! Get a move on!'

Remus stared blankly. 'Ravenclaw and _who_?'

'The professors, you great git,'sighed James. 'Remember? The Classic? They set it up something like two months ago, I don't know how you haven't heard about it. Anyway, let's go, if Ravenclaw win we've got to play them for the Cup.'

'But –' protested Lily. 'It's cold out.'

'Pansy,' James snickered, sticking his tongue out.

Lily harrumphed, got up and made her way to the portrait hole, dragging James by the arm behind her. 'Anyone else?'

The other three boys followed her, laughing. 'A pansy and a pouf,' Peter remarked. 'Odd couple.'

'ARGH!'

*

'RAVENCLAW SCORE! FIFTY – TWENTY!'

'Wow, did we miss that much?' Peter exclaimed over the roar of the spectators as the five of them climbed into the stands. 'Sheesh, look at – holy crumb! Is that Dumbledore on a _broom_?!'

And so it was. Albus Dumbledore, his silvery beard and hair streaming behind him, was playing Keeper for the professors' team. And doing a mighty fine job of it, too.

'Ravenclaw Chaser up with the Quaffle – passes – oh, and it's in – wait, Dumbledore comes up in front – SAVED! No goal!'

Groans sounded from the Ravenclaws in the stands. 'And here goes McGonagall with the Quaffle towards the Ravenclaw end – Chang furiously Beating towards her – nope, McGonagall dodges the Bludgers and sets in neatly – SCORE! Ravenclaw still in the lead with fifty points, professors thirty …'

'Who's that?' Sirius asked curiously, paying no heed to the commentary being shouted at alarming speeds. 'That one, playing Seeker, way up there. Who the hell?'

Lily peered upwards. 'Oh. That's … ah, can't remember his name now, but he's a new Divination professor or something like that. Mighty weird one. Always wearing red. Little fat guy.'

'Hmm. Like Eros.' Remus noted.

Blank stares.

'Oh, for Merlin's sake,' he grumbled. 'Eros. Cupid. God of love, you know?'

'OH, him,' Peter remembered. 'The one that flies around and shoots arrows at people. Makes them fall in love with each other.'

'More or less,' agreed James, pretending not to notice the glances Peter had shot him when he had mentioned the arrows.

The game went on fast and fairly clean, and Ravenclaw gave the professors a good thrashing. In the end the Ravenclaw Seeker managed to catch the Snitch before tiny Professor Flitwick did, and they won an incredible victory – putting them exactly tied in the standings with Gryffindor. Which meant, of course, that the Cup game next week was going to be very difficult.

'Mmph,' James grumbled. 'That Ravenclaw Seeker's too good. Not sure I'll be able to outwit him.'

'Yeah, you're too busy _staring_ at him,' mumbled Lily, grinning.

'I. AM. NOT.'

'Oh, so that's the one,' Sirius laughed, 'I see. Seeker to Seeker. Makes sense.'

'You're all freaks, all of you,' James grumbled, stalking into the castle ahead of his cronies. 

Remus shook his head. 'No spirit, that one. No spirit.'

Lily laughed. 'Pouf.'

*

'What am I going to do?' James wailed. 'Valentine's is tomorrow and I haven't got _anything _for Lily.'

He and Sirius were standing in an empty classroom, trying to sort out James's difficulty. 

'Why d'you still want to get her anything?' Sirius said, perplexed. 'You're right angry at her now aren't you?' 

'Well, yes,' James conceded, 'but – but I thought she might forget, you know, if I gave her something. Except I haven't got anything now.'

'Slight problem.'

'Quite.'

'Well … just Transfigure something,' suggested Sirius. 'I mean, there's all sorts of junk lying around here nobody needs, Transfigure it into something … er … nice.'

James looked around the room and spotted an old flask sitting on the abandoned desk. 'This would work.'

'Er, yes, as long as it doesn't smell like Firewhisky or something equally unromantic,' Sirius answered.

'Oh shut up. Erm –' James muttered a spell and the flask turned into a fluffy brown teddy bear with a heart on its chest that said _Lily_ in swirly letters. 'Might that work?'

Sirius whistled. 'Not bad. How in Merlin's name did you figure out how to get her name on that?'

'Loads of mussed-up practise runs,' grinned James. 'All my socks say something like 'Silly' on them, because I botched the spells.'

'Aha! So that's why you always do your own laundry.'

'Shut up. Let's go.'

They walked out of the classroom and eased the door shut behind them, checking to make sure no one was around before they continued on their way. Normally nobody was supposed to be in that hallway at all, but as they were the Marauders (or rather, half of them) they figured it wasn't too much of a problem.

'Oy! Sirius!'

Remus was standing at the end of the hall, grinning. 'What've you two been up to? James, have you been snogging Sirius again?'

Both of them looked indignant. 'HAVE NOT!' yelled Sirius. 'I have better taste than that,' he continued, flushing uncharacteristically red. 'Er – I mean – '

'Thanks mate,' James replied, casting a dirty look at Sirius. 'And for your information, NO, I don't SNOG MALES, as I have been attempting to convince you for something like two weeks. Lily is a snot.'

'Am I?' 

James whirled around, horrified, hiding the teddy bear behind his back. 'Er – I was just telling the boys how, um, gorgeous you are.'

Lily smiled. 'I'm sure you were. Now, Remus, where did you say that potions store was?'

'Down the hall to the left,' replied Remus calmly, as if things like this happened to him regularly. Lily winked at him and glided down the hallway, ignoring James's half-hearted apologies.

'You two,' Remus tutted good-naturedly, 'you're going to get yourselves in trouble with Lily one day. I'd advise you not to go down that path, as she can be a fiery she-devil.'

'Oh sure,' James grumped, '_you're_ allowed to call her names. She doesn't appear behind _you_ just when you say that.'

'My dear James,' Remus grinned, 'there's only so much appearing one can do in one day. You just happened to be the lucky one.'

'DON'T CALL ME DEAR,' James growled, 'AND THAT WAS NOT LUCKY.'

Remus just smiled.

*

The next morning dawned clear and cool, and James was out of bed in an instant. 'HAPPY VALENTINE'S DAY!' he cried, and dragged the groaning Remus, Sirius and Peter out of their respective beds. 'Come on, you've got to help me catch Lily so I can give her this.' He held up the teddy bear.

'Muurrrgghh,' Remus mumbled blearily, 'can't you do it yourself? We're not all in love with her, you know.'

Peter coughed. 'Not Lily.'

'Shut up, you,' Sirius said, plunging back underneath his covers. 'I am not getting out of bed just to watch this mushy declaration of love ALL OVER AGAIN. I need my beauty sleep.'

'Beauty!' snorted James. 'You're going to need a lot of sleep before you can use that word on yourself.'

'SHUT UP.' Sirius's yell was muffled. 'I'm not coming out. Goodbye. Go away.'

'As you wish,' sighed James. 'Coming, Peter?'

'Of course!' the short boy squeaked, and shot off down the stairs after James. 

'Now that he's gotten me up,' Remus said grudgingly, 'I suppose I'm not going back to sleep. I'll go downstairs.'

All that could be heard was a muffled groan from Sirius's bed.

Remus laughed. 'All right, sleepyhead, I'll see you at bedtime.'

*

'Happy Valentine's, Lils,' James said rather shyly (Peter snickered). 'Er – here.'

He held out the little teddy bear he had Transfigured the day before.

'Ooohh. Did _you_ do that?'

'Of course I did,' James replied, puffing out his chest. 'I'm James Potter, I can do anything I want.'

'Of course,' said Lily, rolling her eyes. 'The _great_ James Potter.'

'Ah-ah-ah! _Great_ applies only to _me_,' came a voice from the stairs.

Remus turned. 'Nice to see you, lazybones,' he said.

'Oh sod off,' shot Sirius. 'What, no snogging contest?'

'I'm game,' Peter said quickly.

'Not me!' cried James, 'not with you anyway, I'm – er – with Lily.'

Lily giggled. 'Straight. Of course.'

'Shut UP.'

'Besides, we haven't got any other couples,' James countered, 'so there would be no contest. I – ah – _we'd_ win.'

'Oh,' said Sirius with a mischievous twinkle in his eye, 'I don't know about that.'

'Don't you?'

'Have at it then,' said Peter curiously. 'I'd like to see what Sirius has got up his sleeve.'

'All right,' said James uncertainly, 'how does one go about organizing a snogging contest anyway?'

Lily sighed. 'People snog, obviously. Then Peter can pick the best, er, the best pair.'

Peter nodded.

'A'ight then luv, we're up,' James grinned, and caught Lily in a long, feverish kiss that left them both rather breathless.

'Woohoo!' yelled Peter, clapping. 'Ten points to Potter and Evans. That was very Hollywood.'

'Very what?' frowned James.

'Nevermind,' muttered Lily, 'it's a Muggle thing. You're too stupid to get it.'

'Hey! I resent that!'

'My point exactly.'

'Enough,' Sirius grinned. 'My turn.'

'What?' asked Lily. 'You haven't got a girlfriend, and I hardly expect those little second-years over there to snog you just so you can show us up.'

Sirius's grin widened. 'Oh no, I wasn't talking about a _girlfriend_ at all, my darling Lily. Not at all.'

They all stared blankly.

'I am not a conventional person,' he continued, slowly descending the stairs.

'We knew that,' James hissed. Lily whacked him on the arm.

'So I thought I'd try to spice things up a bit.' He reached the floor and started walking towards the group. 'You know.'

'No, actually, we don't,' interjected Remus, uncomprehending. 'Do explain.'

'Ah,' breathed Sirius, 'ask and you shall receive.'

And with one swift movement he had wrapped his arms around Remus and kissed him, his strong hands running through Remus's flaxen hair. It was like nothing any of them had ever seen before – and yet a stunt like that was to be expected from someone like Sirius, of course. 

They pulled apart finally, Sirius's grin threatening to crack his face open. Remus gaped.

'Wha – I – wha?'

'Articulate,' chuckled Sirius, 'have I succeeded in sweeping you off your feet?' His expression grew slightly more sober. 'That wasn't _quite_ the way I was planning to tell everybody, but I suppose it works just as well as any other.'

'Yes,' said Remus softly, 'I think it does.'

James would have none of it. 'You – you're – you're a POUF!' he yelled gleefully. 'TAKE THAT! Now Lily has got two other people to tease.'

'Hey!' yelped Remus, 'who's dragging me into this? It was Sirius's idea!'

'Don't deny it,' said Lily, 'you're practically melting into the floor, dear.'

Remus had nothing to say to that.

'Well,' said Sirius contentedly, 'I think we won.'

And they had.  



End file.
